Hey it's Mr. Met and guess what? You're fired

The lead, the mercury, and the unidentified glowing solvent

Roger Clemens' steriod hearing on The Daily Show

The people of Boston just suck

Make sure you watch until the end, Jon Stewart goes off.

More Jon Stewert on Phil SImms

Stephen Colbert's Sport Report

Take the time to listen to a genius speak

This is the kind of magic that biology can produce which our government will not fund. Why stop technology and progress?

Rice and Ripkin

Stephen Colbert's Sport Report

little old, but good

The Colbert Report Sports Report: Bonds, Iraq Soccer, and Dog Racing?

Colbert on David Beckham and Barry Bonds

More Daily Show / Stephen Colbert Nonsense: Funny & True

Stephen Colbert's Four Horsemen of the A-Pop-Calypse
First Horseman: Television -- Shaq, you may be an athlete and a role model for kids, but you've got more important people counting on you: your corporate sponsors.
Second Horseman: Music -- Hey Sinead O'Connor, what are you charging for your new record? Thirty pieces of silver?
Third Horseman: Books -- Stephen's got an advance copy of Harry Potter, and spoiler alert: Hermione's a dude, Voldemort is the ghost of Harry's father, whose real name was Rosebud, and on the last page Harry wakes up in bed with Suzanne Pleshette.
Fourth Horseman: Movies -- Thanks, Hollywood, for teaching our children that in the face of danger they can just sit back and wait to be saved by a bunch of overgrown toaster-ovens.

Jon Stewart on the former EPA chief's belief there were no health hazards at Ground Zero:
"There is one thing in Christine Todd Whitman's defense, you have to remember she had just come off being Governor of New Jersey. Now, I'm from New Jersey. It has its charms, but I'm pretty sure she's got a pretty high threshold for toxic environments."

From the writers of The Daily Show with Jon Stewart
Blow For Giuliani:
Giuliani's campaign recently suffered a blow when a top adviser in South Carolina was charged with cocaine distribution. Of course, the real question remains, was he at least under forty? Because as I understand it, the rule is, all the coke you do before the age of forty can be written off to "youthful indiscretions."
Thomas Ravenel, a top advisor to Giuliani in South Carolina, was recently charged with cocaine distribution, though the US attorney handling the case concluded that the large quantity of cocaine in Ravenel's possession was obtained with the intent to share with other people, not to sell. Well, I guess that's one way to drive down the high cost of prescription drugs.

Christopher Walken on The Daily Show

Stephen Colbert Praises Bob Barker

The Weekly Daily Show / Colbert Report Post

Jon on the conviction of Lewis "Scooter" Libby:
"Some speculate President Bush will pardon Libby before he serves jail time, while others... KNOW he will."



From the writers of The Daily Show with Jon Stewart
Indecision 2008: Second Democratic Presidential Debate

The infinite number of prime time hours occupied by presidential debates begs the question: can't we treat these face-offs like America’s Next Top Model? You know, get rid of one candidate after each one, until it's down to the final three, and then have a vogue-off to determine the winner? Stupid politics.
Moderator Wolf Blitzer accelerated the q-and-a process by asking candidates to raise their hands to convey stances on complicated issues like "Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell," military force in Darfur, and Iraq policy. Blitzer finally posed the question, "If you agree that we need to repeal No Child Left Behind, please put both hands in the air," encouraging candidates to add emphasis by waving them around like they just didn’t care. They were also invited to say "ho-o."

Stephen Colbert: "To me, every day is the 4th of July -- which is why so many of my checks get returned."

John Amaechi on The Colbert Report