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Ridiculous article in the Onion: "I Can't Stand It When Jews Talk During Movies"

OK, I don't know if this letter is real or not, but it is from the Onion (Onion Opinion section) from back in 2005 and it is written by a lady named Dana Healy. I'm not sure if it is something they stumbled upon and just found it too ridiculous not to post or if it is one of their writers doing a satire, either way it is quite ridiculous and funny.

Also, fortheloveofsports.blogspot.com doesn't necessarily condone or agree with any of the following opinions.

This is Dana Healy, by the way:

Sweet huh?

Here is her opinion, via The Onion:

Do you have a pet peeve—some little thing that drives you completely bonkers? For certain people, it's the sound of a Jewish person dragging her fingernails across a chalkboard. For others, it's when Jews don't signal before making a turn. Me? I can't stand it when Jews talk during movies!

Last Friday, I knocked off early from work and headed to the multiplex to catch The Pacifier. Sure enough, as soon as the lights go out, a pack of Jews waltzes in and plunks down right in front of me! All through the first preview, they had to have a Jewish debate about where to put their coats and who should hold the Twizzlers. What's wrong with these idiots? If you want to chat, go to a coffee shop, or that Jewish community center down on Cavendish Avenue.

Where did these people learn to whisper? An Israeli helicopter?

I sure didn't pay $10 to listen to a group of twits talk back to the screen like those obnoxious Jewish robots from Mystery Science Theater 3000! And apparently, "God's chosen people" weren't selected based on their ability to follow plotlines. No wonder they wandered the desert for so many years—they can't even watch a Vin Diesel movie without getting lost.

It would help if management took stronger action against this total lack of regard. A sign saying, "Jews: Kindly refrain from talking during the film" couldn't hurt. I don't think I'm being unreasonable here. That theater was as loud as an Elders of Zion meeting. Is it asking too much to expect a little courtesy from your fellow moviegoers? I guess some people just weren't raised gentile.

Look, I enjoy eating popcorn while taking in a flick, but at least I have the presence of mind to keep my munching to a conscientious level. Sometimes it feels like I'm the only one who wasn't raised in a barn where special precautions are taken to slaughter livestock in accordance with Jewish laws and traditions.

If you can keep kosher, why can't you keep quiet?
And how many times can these descendants of Abraham possibly need to use the washroom? If you have to go that often, sit near an aisle and leave the middle seats for those of us who aren't circumcised. You guys may not believe in the doctrine of original sin, but everyone agrees that failing to turn off your cell phone before the movie starts is just plain rude! I swear, the next time a phone goes off, someone's getting a yarmulke shoved down his throat.

If there were some other way to see movies, I'd do it. I've tried renting movies, only to have the film interrupted midway through by a Jewish telemarketer or the sounds of the Jews upstairs blasting their rap music. I can only imagine what that guy with the fiddler on his roof went through. It's the Jewish year 5766, for cripes sake! It's time to learn some courtesy.

... Yeah, pretty ridiculous huh?

Comments from a Michael Vick and Starbury admirer

I kinda had to censor it....

James says...

"Marbury is f****** ridiculous. I'm not trying to sound racist here, but I mean I'm just so sick of these famous black athletes and members of the f****** NAACP coming out and supporting Vick just because he is a black man in trouble. I would love to ask these people if they would have the same love and respect for Jerry Seinfeld if he had been accused of dogfighting. I bet they would support him too, after all, its the dogfighting these f****** ignorant a**h**** love right? Not the black man doing it. May Vick rot in a f****** jail cell, and if the NFL ever allows this man back, then they are just as f******* stupid. "

Whoa buddy... Someone sounds very passionate about this topic and it's not surprising because most people do have intense feelings about this issue. I may not be as intense as James here, but I do have to somewhat agree with him. No one should really support Michael Vick as this point in time other than maybe his family.

People, such as Marbury and certain NAACP members like the Atlanta chapter, should realize that this is not a question of race, but rather a question of how Michael Vick violated the sanctity of humanity and did something unspeakably horrible. Finally, I don't see how Starbury can equate hunting deer to killing a dog by soaking it in water then electrocuting it and finishing by pummeling the dog on the ground. Good P.R. move Stephon.

Starbury thinks dog fighting is a sport

The NBA's Stephon Marbury supports Michael Vick and dog fighting because ya know "all 'roun' tha world peapa stil' support Mike Vick," ya know what I'm saying?

(Fox Sports) - Embattled Atlanta Falcon Michael Vick has a friend — and fellow doggie dis-respecter — in Stephon Marbury.

"I think we don't say anything about people who shoot deer or shoot other animals," the Knick point guard told Capital News 9, an Albany TV station. "You know, from what I understand, dogfighting is a sport. It's just behind closed doors."

Hahahahhahahha..... Starbury... WTF? This is coming from a dude who also thinks that he is the best and most talented point guard in the NBA. This is just too funny and ironic. Starbury could possibly be the most ignorant, arrogant, non-talented jew-tool in history. Dog fighting is a sport... WHAT?!?!?!?!... JUST SHUT UP!