CARL PREDICTS SUPER BOWL WIN FOR GIANTS

Awwww, No more steriods...

Filthy Jag Fans

Bigger Tool: Joe Theisman or Al Michaels??

It is going to be a close call, lets do some analysis...

First in the tool bag is this man, Joe Theisman.

Recently, Joe Theisman said the following about the new ESPN Monday Night Football announcing crew...

[MNF] “become a three-hour Tony Kornheiser show. When I was let go, they explained they wanted more of an issue show and less about football. They’ve accomplished that.”

OK! We get it Joe, you are mad and bitter because a non-athletic, yet smart and witty personality "stole" your NFL announcing gig that you were never actually any good at doing. I don't know which is more pathetic, that you are still handing out cheap shots and complaining about your former colleagues who out-performed you at every possible moment or the fact that you being a former NFL star quarterback couldn't even prevent you from losing your job to someone who has never played an NFL down and is that much more knowledgeable about the game than yourself.

Next... Underneath Theisman in the tool bag, one will find Al Michaels...

Can someone please shoot Al Michaels? Please?

I swear to God is I have to go through another Sunday Night Football game when New Orleans is playing and listen to Michaels say New Or-lee-anns over and over again I think I might throw something through the T.V. set. I would love to be in NBC's production room and watch everyone cringe during the hundreds of times Michaels butchers the pronunciation of New Orleans.

I am sure someone has been like, "hey, Michaels, maybe today, if you don't feel like being an asshole, you could actually pronounce the name of the city who's team has been on national T.V. like a million times since hurricane Katrina correctly? Maybe?"

In a likely response, Michaels probably says,"hahaha, NO! F*** You B*tches, I'm AL Michaels, motha f'er."

I don't know what else could be going on at NBC, seriously.

"New Or-lee-anns, New Or-lee-anns, New Or-lee-anns, New Or-lee-anns, New Or-lee-anns..."

AWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!

I think we have a tie... Joe Theisman and Al Michaels are both massive tools, yet I'll give Michaels the slight edge because he still has a job and a medium to annoy me.

TO's note to the media: too bad it's not "TO's beerfday week"

"Dear Reporters,

Due to the magnitude of this week's game and high volume of questions for the Original 81 about the other 81. I will be taking all questions immediately following Sunday's game.

Sincerely, (followed by Owens' signature)"

"p.s. Getcha Popcorn Ready."

South Carolina Inmate Hits Michael Vick With '$63,000,000,000 Billion Dollar' Lawsuit Alleging Al Qaeda Ties

Here's the inmate's handwritten lawsuit. (IS THIS REAL!?!?!?!?)

Embattled NFL quarterback Michael Vick, facing federal charges related to his alleged participation in dogfighting, has been hit with a "$63,000,000,000 billion dollar" lawsuit filed by a South Carolina inmate who alleges the Atlanta Falcons star stole his pit bulls and sold them on eBay to buy "missiles from Iran," FOX News has learned.

Jonathan Lee Riches filed the handwritten complaint over "theft and abuse of my animals" on July 23 in the U.S. District Court in Richmond, Va.

Riches alleges that Vick stole two white mixed pit bull dogs from his home in Holiday, Fla., and used them for dogfighting operations in Richmond, Va. The complaint goes on to allege that Vick sold the dogs on eBay and "used the proceeds to purchase missiles from the Iran government."
The complaint also alleges that Vick would need those missiles because he pledged allegiance to Al Qaeda in February of this year.

"Michael Vick has to stop physically hurting my feelings and dashing my hopes," Riches writes in the complaint. Riches wants $63 billion dollars "backed by gold and silver " delivered to the front gates to the Williamsburg Federal Correctional facility in South Carolina. Riches is an inmate at the facility serving out a wire fraud conviction.