Frank Lampard's Chelsea contact demands are straight ballin'

Those of you familiar with the EPL and Chelsea probably know that star Frank Lampard has had some trouble agreeing to a new contract. And while this is almost undoubtedly satire, it's pretty good. We may now know why they're having trouble agreeing on a contract. The UK web site Chicken Dinner - which despite it's name is a sports news and gossip site - somehow managed to get their hands on Lampard's contract demands.

The Guardian newspaper's blog, seems to think the demands might be true - which means nothing of course. It'd be fun if the demands are true, because they are AWESOME.

Let's look at some of the more fun demands:

Mr. Lampard is to be addressed as "Mr. Lampard" at all times, including in the match day programme, by the match announcer and by all other players, including on the pitch, with the exception of Mr. John Terry. In addition: The match day announcer is to read Mr. Lampard's name in a louder and more enthusiastic voice than the other players, with the exception of Mr. Terry.

Employees of Chelsea Football Club, including the playing staff, are not to make eye contact with Mr. Lampard in the dressing room or on the field of play, even when celebrating goals or congratulating Mr. Lampard on his exceptional play, with the exception of Mr. John Terry.

Upon scoring a goal, Mr. Lampard is to be unmolested by fellow players for at least five ("5") seconds, in order to perform a celebration as he deems appropriate. When the rest of the team then embraces him, they may not touch him below the waist.

Mr. Lampard is to be provided with a separate dressing and changing area both at Stamford Bridge and away grounds, of four-star hotel quality or better. The lavatory seat is to be new and sealed.

Mr. Lampard's dressing room is to be painted white or off-white and decorated with two ("2") vases of white lilies and a baby grand paino (white or off-white).

Thank goodness he'll accept an off-white baby grand piano. White can be awful hard to find.

Lamps is straight ballin'

From 100% Injury Rate

Desperate Houswife Eva Longoria and Tony Parker

Just days before she becomes a real-life married woman, Desperate Housewives star Eva Longoria takes a happy stroll along the beach in St Tropez. Longoria and fiance Tony Parker were on their respective 'his' and 'hers' bachelor parties in the French millionaire's playground -before they head to Paris for their highly anticipated nuptials.

The couple are staying with friends in the very select beachfront hotel Chateau de la Messardiere. On their first night in St Tropez, the couple were seen at trendy hot-spot Les Caves du Roy until the early hours. The couple also held an exclusive party at the V.I.P. Room for their bachelor parties. The club was split in two: Tony and his pals partied on one side while Eva and her gals lived it up on the opposite side of the spot.



The guest list included Jamie Foxx (one of Eva's favourite singers) and the evening's entertainment featured performances by hip-hop artists Cut Killer and MC Big Ali from New York City. Eva displayed little sign of pre-wedding nerves as she strolled along the french beaches, joking with friends and looking sultry as ever in an electric blue bikini. Eva and Parker, who plays basketball for the San Antonio Spurs, are marrying on 7-7-7 at the 17th Century Chateau Vaux-le- Vicomte in Southern France - where Kirsten Dunst's Marie Antoinette film was shot. Parker has booked Lionel Richie and Jamie Foxx to perform at the ceremony. It's the second time this month that Lionel has filled the role as wedding singer – he recently sang at the big day of English captain John Terry. Other guests at their big day will include Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta Jones and Eva's Desperate Housewives co-stars - including Marcia Cross, who will make the trip to France despite giving birth to twins in February. The castle will close its grounds to the public for the first time ever. The couple have hired the entire Chateau for 6 and 7 July and their guests have been invited to stay in the numerous bedrooms and private apartments on the grounds.

Daily Mail

Chelsea FC kid disses Stevan Gerrard

This is a little old, but I just came across it and being that I am a Chelsea fan I have got to post it. In this video this little kid disses Stevan Gerrard, who is the Captain of the most decorated football club in England, Liverpool FC, by faking him out on a low-five. Most children would probably freak out if they ever came into contact with a superstar of Gerrard's stature, but not this guy... way to go little man. Very funny.


Video: Chelsea kid brushing off Steven Gerrard